idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
