I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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