real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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