Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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