im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
