If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
