This is not my ceiling
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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