woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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