I heard we made out
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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