its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
