I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
