i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
