i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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