You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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