If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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