Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
