Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
