Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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