Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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