If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
