So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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