I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
