Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
