It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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