If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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