don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
