A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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