By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
