I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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