Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
