went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
