3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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