you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize