Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
