she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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