white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
my sisters under your porch take her home
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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