He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
