Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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