people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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