Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
