I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and she was petting her beer can
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
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