I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
