Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
