I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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