break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
