I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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