Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
