there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
