Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
