i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
