I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
