you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
