I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
