There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
