Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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