I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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