its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
