I faked an abortion last night.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
