There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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