I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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