Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
