dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
