suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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