do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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