Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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