I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
