Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
