ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
