You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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