finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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