I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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