she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
