I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
