I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
