We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
