I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
